Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
