Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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