did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
