she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
why does every cop we meet know your name?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
