these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
