I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
