I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
