It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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