Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
