soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
