Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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