No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize