Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
