Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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