Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
