I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
