i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
