do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
