I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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