my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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