Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
