You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
