A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
