ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
