just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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