discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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