Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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