we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
