i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
