the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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