The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
