Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
