Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
