Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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