We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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