Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
