WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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