he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize