I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want to make out with him forever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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