I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
