i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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