idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
