Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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