if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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