then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
