I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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