she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
