Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
