you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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