He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Your tits are I can't wait for
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
