we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
