Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
