I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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