How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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