$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
