Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
