I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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