**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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