apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
