i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
