This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
