I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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