why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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