and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
