why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
