Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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