For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
my liver is dry heaving
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
