remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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