This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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