I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
