oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
