she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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