i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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