to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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